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My Comments


VIEWING 121 - 135 OUT OF 1553 COMMENTS



Count_Von_Count
Mar 16, 2008, 09:53 AM

Greetings!


SlyandtheFamilySaw
Mar 16, 2008, 09:32 AM

Hola Jack, not much I actually have the day of today and I think I may have a date. Anyhow I like your poem a lot you are very good indeed.

P.S. I like the new layout too all my faves are represented.

Hell_Preacher
Mar 16, 2008, 09:08 AM

Thousands of Sexy and Funny ImagesTouch the Darkness

DaveDoom51
Mar 16, 2008, 06:30 AM

Well, I finished the prequel to "Devil's Plaything".....remember that one??? Well here it is, "Cheyenne", I hope ya enjoy it!!

Oh and by the way, if my posting my work on yer comments is not agreeable with you, please let me know, and I wull no longer do so !!! (I am such a poetry slut...*sigh*)



Cheyenne


Abbey’s walls still surround her, hateful bells announce her plight---breathless dreams of elusive freedom, her quest for reunion begins tonight.
Biding time ‘til she was older, vague memories haunt her sleeping---no more patience for separation, no more secret midnight weeping.
Sacred glow…impending woman-hood, marks her lovely child-like face---something else there… not quite so pretty, the risk that it will take its place.
Fiery eyes keen and probing, looking out ‘neath innocent’s brow---making even brave men cower, destiny’s promise now allowed.

Mother’s voice is silently calling, as she casually leaves this place---so easy her escape accomplished, reveling in freedom’s sweet embrace.
Moon-glow offers welcome succor, as she finds herself alone---past forbidding darkened doorways, recalling memories of cheap cologne
Wondering at this in-born majik, that which certainly guides her way---priceless gift so desperately given, when her mother gave her away?
“Cheyenne”, her mother softly whispered, on that night so long ago---“remember always gentle daughter, my love is with you…though I must go.”

Music draws her to a window, magic portal through which she peers---graceful profile of her mother, easily distinguished through her tears.
As she watches through the window, her mother’s gaze attracted---to the sight of two men struggling, terrible violence therein enacted.
Such shock revealed in mother’s face, all animation drained---Cheyenne feels her awful sorrow, escaping through the window pane.
Suddenly, the violent stranger, calls out her mother’s name---“Candida I shall have you always, for my rival now is slain!”

Cheyenne watches as Candida, accepts what she has seen---horror reflected in her eyes, her mother begins to scream.
Groaning as she turns away, Cheyenne can bear no more---frantic in her movements now, she searches for the door.
As she races ‘round the corner, she spies the entry way---rushing forward in her panic, her footsteps echo her dismay.
Tragic figure exiting, as she finally gains the door---red light brightly shining there, confirms Candida is a whore.

A thousand answers flooding through her, without a single question posed….
She takes her mother’s hand in her’s, this chapter in their lives is closed.


© March, 2008 ~DaveDoom51~ all rights reserved


SoulLessHusk
Mar 16, 2008, 03:18 AM

Kickass poem man..if you got more let me know...keep it brutal...JaSoN..

hangingabovetheabyssbymyneck
Mar 16, 2008, 02:59 AM

you asked"what I think?" dude,it takes one to know one and this mutual respect gives me goose-bumps and a warm fuzzy feeling-HAAAAHAAAAA!!-
so.... I really hate coffee shop folk and all the snoody,stuck-up blonde nazis that run those places and I get sucked in to go'n with my peeps tonight and this is what I wrote while in starbuck's exile of excess it's called "caffiene"

Pour shame all over us
Harden into a crust
- - - cement - - -
Forget the glamour and
Mumble a jackhammer
- - - under your breath - - -
Hide your face in the curtains
Better unsaid, so close
And it rolls off the tongue
ALMOST
The world expects the pose
Perfectly natural
- - - loosen up - - -
Smearing wet concrete
And swearing you'll never be
- - - caught - - -
At your weakest, etched in stone
And we're frozen here, peeking
ALMOST
sweet talk
CAFFEINE
Make contact
Up to my neck
I confess in quicksand
"But it's so easy for you"
"There's always one thing"
"Do you have something to tell me?"
"Say something"
"Anything"
I'm warning you
I'm warning you
I'm FUCKING you
I'm warning you
"Relax"
"It's just a phase"
"You'll grow out of it"
Believe anything anyone ever tells you
It's not funny anymore
It's thing you hate the most
The thing you hate ALMOST.

twiztedzman
Mar 16, 2008, 02:30 AM

Harley Wolf Thanks Add

CASSI
Mar 15, 2008, 11:36 PM

Thousands of Sexy and Funny ImagesTouch the Darkness

I TRULY ENJOYED UR LIL POEM,JACK!
KEEP THEM CUMMIN!!!

deaths_angel
Mar 15, 2008, 11:35 PM

whats that?

deaths_angel
Mar 15, 2008, 11:16 PM

i liked the poem. its really good.

DRKDRMRGRL
Mar 15, 2008, 10:30 PM

no, but it was the only Jet li movie i could think of that kinda started off slow....its alright...have you seen Beowulf...is it worth me watching?

DRKDRMRGRL
Mar 15, 2008, 10:27 PM

which one...Unleashed?

xtoxic-whorex
Mar 15, 2008, 10:23 PM

I loved the poem that you sent me it was really good.. sry I havent commeted you back in a while my grandpa just died yesterday was his viewing and to day was his funeral so it was a long day....it will never be the same without him.

DRKDRMRGRL
Mar 15, 2008, 10:23 PM

i am watching Beowulf....how about you...how was your day?

PaganOne
Mar 15, 2008, 06:27 PM

wow, that was a very vivid peom, very nice Jack!









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