FUCK IT ALLLLLLL!!!!!!!
I hide every fucking little thing and it's killing me while making me even more alive. Why did I become secrets? I know I scared people and it bothered me.I scared myself. I can't believe I lessened myself.
I want what I was with who I am.I am so fucking sick of this bullshit. I am sick of being wasted potential. I am what I am? No I am not. I am what I wanted. The temptation is fucking killing me. Use what I was born with, or not because of fucking ethics. Ethics. Are they what seperates us from the beast or are they what the strong created to protect the weak out of remorse or love? Is this what they wanted?

"Would I want this done to me?"

I could be so much more yet I am becoming becoming less.FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Can't shit just even out?
The graylable is supposed to be about the middle ground.Where right meets wrong because they are the same coin. What is the fffucking point of being able to manifest things out of shear will if I do not?
Today i used myself 5 times. just to see. It was almost like I had never stopped. Some people were not affected, others...man. I am so fucking....Divided.

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Sometimes we have to ask ourselves who we are, instead of what we have been. Am I the introvert or the extravert or am I both depending on who I am with and what they expect? Who am I? How many of us ask this question of ourselves and have the answer on the tip of our minds only to be swallowed by the reflection of our ego. Reflection. Another word for me. I reflected other peoples auras. I didn't take a damned thing. Why? I guess I'm just a special type of flake because I was born this way. I've been fighting it trying to gain some sense of self. Don't get me wrong. I'm always me. even when I'm not.I would be buried under other people sometimes. In doing so have I lost who I really am? I know I argue more with people who used to know me. I remember how good it felt to just let it roll over me as I walked through a room.It was kind of predatory. I haven' been able to do it for a while. i walled it away. In a way i was the biggest whore without fucking a single person. By not becomeing... Am I really undoing? Undoing what? I've been so bored, so understimulated. I can't think, I can't write, I am completely uninspired. I am underjoyed. I even have trouble singing all alone. I used to have so much strange shit happen to me. Most of it left me scared shitless,and angry because I can't share it with anyone else. Who would believe me? What if they did believe me?. The last time they did believe it scared me so bad. I don't know why. Maybe I do and I just don't want to admit it. I am So FUCKING SICK of not being able to talk. Not being able to express the things I've been ,and the things I've came through.How I fucking feel. Maybe in silence I become the word. I become. In becoming myself, I am more lost and alone than I have ever been. The irony is i made myself, and I could make myself something else. I need external stimuli. I need to loose the fucking walls I put up, or at least hammer out a fucking door. I know what did me in. It was the fucking thing on the stairs. Everything is mundane because I made myself this way, and bent things away so it would never happen again. When it happened it was like. It was like going to sleep. When I realized what was happening I didn't even care anymore. . I can still bend things... I will not give that up. I just wish i knew what I was doing.

Of the many faces I've aquired.

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I finaly had an interesting day. Work sucked. On the bright side I didn't have to fire this kid.
He showed up on time and worked realy hard. The carnival flee market is finaly over. It was in front of home ,and the work place. I stepped out everyday for three days into a magickal land of fleamarket, carnies ,and vomit stained amusement rides. I think the nice old man with the awesome stones died. It's sad. He had the best stuff ever. Last year he realized I was a kindred in that way and tried to sell me a rough ruby,and tigers eye. Both were the size of my fists. I was so sadddened to have just spent all my money.
I got invited to a small gathering tonight. I had fun. I made them forget me and being there a couple of times. It's been a while since I played that game of bending. It was instructive and enlightening. It made me realize some of the things I had been subconsciously doing. hopefuly i can attain the desirexd affects consciously now.
I found out one of the people I know reads cards.It was a small suprise. I fucked up and told them I'd give them a new layout.I've been holding with to know dare and keep silent. I have put far to much effort to make people forget. To fuck it up now. I think I will give him the layout. and then downplay what I know.

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This is my quizz. I will base adding people to my page by their answers. I want people I like on my page. 1 - How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

2 - What came first? The chicken ,or the egg?
3 - What is your definition of 'art' Art is something that is supposed to create a theme,or produce a feeling.
4 - If you killed some one where would you hide the body?
5 - What's your favorite color and why? [isn't this a surprise.] Green. I love green because it suits my nature and it looks good on me. I like black and gray but they are not colors.
6 - Your favorite three albums.
7 - What would you say would have been your most defining moment?
8 - If you had to slaughter one of the Disney characters who would be the first to go?
9 - What would you say that your greatest accomplishment has been?
10 - If you were a psychopathic serial killer what would be your theme song?
11 - If you were a super villain,
12 - If there was one thing you would change in the world, what would that be?
13 - What was the last book you read?
14 - What is your favorite junk food?

My answers were. You may not like me.
1 - How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? I don't know and I'm not cleaning it up.

2 - What came first? The chicken ,or the egg? A very perplexed lizard.
3 - What is your definition of 'art' Art is something that is supposed to create a theme,or produce a feeling.
4 - If you killed some one where would you hide the body? Oh shit. Psycho. Who says I would need to hide the body? I would kill them with the evil eye so it would make it look like natural causes, If it was in a fit of passion I would dig a hole about 7 feet deep,and about 6 inches wider than the corpse.On each side,then remove the teeth,and tattoos. Then I would wrap the body in chicken wire to keep those pesky critters from digging it up. Then I would plant a nice fruit tree over the body. Who is going to kill a fruit tree? I would then use the fruit to give to neighborhood children and sale as baked goods at a church bake sale.
5 - What's your favorite color and why? [isn't this a surprise.] Green. I love green because it suits my nature and it looks good on me. I like black and gray but they are not colors.
6 - Your favorite three albums. 1Jack off Jill/clear hearts gray flowers 2 Dope/life 3 Marilyn Manson/mechanical animals
7 - What would you say would have been your most defining moment? when I realized I wasn't like everyone else.
8 - If you had to slaughter one of the Disney characters who would be the first to go? Goofy!!!!!! His voice drives me up the wall.
9 - What would you say that your greatest accomplishment has been? Showing amazing restraint.
10 - If you were a psychopathic serial killer what would be your theme song? The arbor day theme. "Plant a tree for your tomorrow"
11 - If you were a super villain, what would your evil minions be? Door to door salesman who could shape shift into sparrows.
12 - If there was one thing you would change in the world, what would that be? Global warming.
13 - What was the last book you read? I can't remember the name. It was by le modesitt
14 - What is your favorite junk food? dried apples

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